I love me a good massage

So, I'm a constant Craigslist browser. Practically everything we own comes from Craigslist or thrift stores. Anyway, every once in a while as I'm browsing I come across a little gem like this one. What I love about this is it isn't too weird at first, but then I realized it's been five minutes and I'm still reading his list... and it had me laughing. Anyway, enjoy, and good luck to this guy who apparently knows just what he wants. (Anything in blue text are my comments)

"professional massage"

masseuse located in South Austin bartering therapeutic massages for many different of items trained in Deep Tissue , Swedish attuned to Reiki level ,,,have years of experience giving body work,,,,,,only interested in bartering professional , draped massages usually charge $50 to $65 an hour . Obviously some items listed would needed to be combined & some items I would need to give more than one massage...........willing to make sure all involved feels like a fair exchange is happening top of the list:
hose without a leak
rich soil for growing plants in containers
sand delivered for childs play area
large tuperware storage containers
free standing ladder
canopy swing
rubber balls What??
free standing electric fans (not ceiling fan)
someone familiar with LE pro tools who would trade hour to hour turtoring to help me (working with 7.1 le pro tools with m-box 2)
any types of Music instruments
cymbals What the?
guitar stands
glass blocks
carpet cleaning
decent stereo system
hula hoops (professional and for kids) Professional hula hoops... eh?
bubble machine
bubble wrap
Magnets and smaller metal to make a sculpture mirrors (mirrors can be broken) disco balls, Plasma Ball , fiber optic and lava lamps a laser light would be awesome (art project with light and mirrors) garden balls that are shiny, christmas bulbs , christmas lights that work, shiny tinsel I don't even know what to think about this...
wood to do art on: thin wood or light weight doors wood scraps to create wooden scuptures (perferably smaller wood pieces)
paint: vibrant colors( no drab colors, Whites are fine)
plastic outside chairs (or metal folding ones)
folding tables (don't have to look good but has to be functionally sound) (as the metal part of the table is structurally sound I don't care if the flat part is ruined, I have a way of working around it)
slinkys ??????
curtain showers that are colorful artistic items that would be good 3-d art project
beads (quality and plastic)
art display racks (cards and prints display racks)
candle wax candle making supplies (molds and colors)
glass balls
garden scultptures Okay, this is just getting really weird
tarps, sheets(doesnt matter if there are stains, I do batik projects)
usb hub
pottery wheel and clay solar powered walkway lights
Papasan chairs , bean bags , patio furniture , hammock , covered bench swing kids toys and games (except electronic toys that make annoying noises) hahaha ((love old school toys: like monkey in a barrel and lincoln logs))
Farside books , colorful children story and educational books, any comic books that are not too violent
meditation tapes and cd/s
safety guard for 12ft ( I think thats the size I have )trampoline , and steps to get safely on the trapmoline
outdoor fan with mister plastic milk crates or shelving that can withstand weather a wading pool at least 4ft wide (soft rubber preferable but not required)
dry Eraser board , chalk board dart board any music instruments: adult or kid
clear tuperware storage containers with lids
outside plastic garbage containers with secure lids
outdoor electrical cords , electical power strips , power surger counter top burner
Electrical fans, (free standing not ceiling) large wicker baskets solar oven (or know and want to make one)
rain barrels if your a gardener : your organic produce plants / potted herbs / flowers/ potted produce/ seeds fertile soil hanging plant containers Hand tools gardening tools (rake , shovel)

And an awesome concluding paragraph from this master masseuse:
have a skill? have some thing to offer? offer and I'll see if I can use it for any mad scientist mechanics out there i am wanting to create a bike runned pump that hooks to a sprinkler so kids can ride a bike and create a spray that goes back into the wading pool that can also hook up a hose and drain the water out of the wading pool into the grass to water I have a stationary bike , the pool , the sprinkler and the hose.

I just want to know who this person is who needs so many random things but knows how to give professional massages? Hmm.. What are your thoughts?